Rating : T
Pairing : Still Marki
Summary
: When a boy not as lucky as the other, he's trying to regain his
happiness, of course with his beloved family and friend helps.
Warning : Emotionaly wrecked
Part 10 – Healing and Recovery
I watched him sleep peacefully. He
just was like an angel. Nobody thought he was carrying such a trauma, pain and
sadness. Last night he finally told me everything. His past. It was hurt, yes, hurts
a lot. Thank God, The Sullivan found him, or maybe he found them like Shane’s
said. They saved him, they teach him how to talk again, they teach him how to
write, they teach him the manner, and maybe they teach him how to cry again. How you have suffered, Kian. What can I do
for you to ease them, Ki? But at least he trusted me now, and that would be
much easier to me to help him through the horrible past. I really want to help
him, I want to see him smile happily, bring back the happy memories with Nicky.
Hope I could.
Just the feeling
of careness and love, I kissed his forehead. ‘Don’t worry, Ki, you have me now.’ I won’t let anybody hurt you again.
Never! I really have loved him. And for the first time since I wrote my
last journal, ( I didn’t remember when was it!) I wrote down about Kian. Wrote from the day I met him, and what I feel
for him.
The
things much better after he told me. His nightmares were lessening. Well I think
that what he needs to release him from the nightmares; shared with somebody, not
taking it alone. And I’m glad I was there. Shane knew, and he was as glad as I was.
He was right, I should wait him till he trust me, then he will tell. And yes it happened. He trusted me.
We were best friend now. Slowly
he was more open up then before. He shared Nicky’s letter with me, and made me
know everything about Nicky and how much he was meant to Kian. He was Kian’s
rock, and I didn’t think Kian would survived if there were no Nicky -not
mentioning how he gave Kian to The Sullivan’s, but how Nicky loved and
protected him. And how he hated Nicky for leaving him with the Sullivan’s. How
Nicky lied to him that they would be together to England. Live together with
The Sullivan’s. But indeed Nicky left him, and decided to stay with ‘Him’. That
was the first time Kian ever cried since he shut his voice at 5. He cried for
Nicky. Begging for not leaving him. But Nicky has made a great big decision.
Let Kian go with them to have a better life. And he has it.
We never mentioned his
past again, as we put them behind us. We have to move forward. Those memories
would make Kian to be a stronger man to be a better person. I tried to gave him
a happy time, made him smile, made him talked to me, and shared everything to
me. And I made it. He more cheerful now, and shared everything, even his
journal. (well, I wouldn’t tell my journal
to anybody, not even to him. Sorry, Ki, but I will keep it in secret) He was still
writing his journal. And to my surprise, Kian was writing his sad story, beside
his daily journal in this school and me. He writes his full life story. Start
from the day he knew about the pain and the beatings. He wrote all the detail
of what happened to him, what he’s done to him, even how his father used him as
a sexual victim as the changed of his mam, and Nicky didn’t know that. And how
Nicky covered him from the beatings. Kian showed all his feeling at back then,
the emotion he had to hide from his father. I would never thought he would write
it down, which he’s still trying to get over it!
“Why you
write it, Kian?”
“I don’t
know. I just feel like to write it. To let out my feeling. It was something I
couldn’t do then. The cried, the screams, the pain, the agony and the heart
breaking being denial. I need it for myself, it’s kind of healing for me.”
“Don’t
worry it didn’t hurt me much. I tried to fight it with write it down as I
couldn’t talked about it. That much hurt than write it down. So, it’s okay for me. Don’t worry, Mark, I’m
fine,” he gave me a little smile
I just nodded. Well maybe he was right. And I was
right! Those memories would make him stronger. And I would always there for him
***
A year passed, and the
things still fine with us… with him. He was lot much better than the first time
I met him. I thanked to God that I could do something for him. Something that
changed him to be a happy boy. Something that I wanted to do, to make the
person I love happy. Oh, God! I must be lost now! Did I say I love him? Me,
love a boy? Me love him? I know what bible say. Its forbidden love! And what
would my mother and father said? Hope they wouldn’t kill me! But yes, I loved
him. Something I realised those careness was from the love. I cared of him
because I love him. And it was really hurt to see your love suffered. It was
hell!! A year ago I was not daring to admit it, but now it’s going much
stronger. Stronger as I never felt before. I don’t care about sin, I just loved
him! Much stronger as to see how much he loves his brother. There’s a jealousy
inside me. I wanted to be his Nicky, the one he loved. The more he talked about
Nicky, the more I wanted to become him. But I knew I couldn’t. There was no-one
could replace Nicky. Not even Mrs. Sullivan or Shane. Nicky was the best. So
now, I satisfied enough to be beside him as his friend, and made a great day
from him. That’s enough for me, and hoping he would feel the same.
Everyday I watched him
healing, and going much stronger. And every night I watched him sleep in peace.
The sleep would maybe just a dream for him when he was still with ‘him’. And
even he saved now, he was still in misery. He missed Nicky so much, and still
break down for not seeing him. And that break me down too. How much I want to
be his Nicky. For something, he would always be miserable.
Kian’s
deep sleep
“You ready to go, Ki?” Nicky asked him
before they go to the port.
Kian nodded with
smiled happily.
Nicky couldn’t
help his gladness to see Kian this happy. This is it. It’s the day; they were
going to leave, moved to England with The Sullivans.
He hugged his
brother tightly. “I love you, Ki, I love you so much. So whatever I did, it’s
for you. You believe me, right?”
Kian just
nodded. He believed in Nicky 100% person, and now they were going to leave.
“Don’t worry, everything is going to be
alright. Mrs. Sullivan will take care of you.”
Kian nodded
again.
Nicky hugged his
brother even tighter. ‘I’m sorry, Ki, but believe me I love you so much.’
As they were
arrived, on the port, Kian was so mesmerized to see the big ship who will took
them to England. He never saw this big ship before, and now they will go with
it? Kian smiled happily without letting go Nicky’s hand. He held them tight.
They took one
big and luxurious compartment with Shane, while Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan’s took
another just right next door.
“You happy, Kian?” Mrs. Sullivans teased
him gently.
Kian nodded
without letting his brother hand. He looked at Nicky to make sure this wasn’t a
dream, and Nicky just nodded with smiling. Then he moved to the window and
watched the outer from there.
Nicky kept
looking at his brother with the breakdown,
‘God know how much I love you, Ki.’
Till they heard
they whistle as a signal ship was ready to go. Kian was excited with the view.
“Ki, I wanna go outside for a minute, I
want to see from out here.
Heard that, Kian
was tighten his hands.
“No, Ki, you stay here. I won’t long. Shane
gonna be with you, right, Shane?” he turned to Shane.
Shane just
nodded.
“See, “ Nicky smiled to made his brother
believe. “I swear, I won’t go anywhere.”
Kian still held
his brother hand, won’t to let go.
“Kian…”
Finally, Kian
let Nicky’s hand go.
Nicky smiled
gladly, “I’m gonna be out side, okay?”
Kian just
nodded.
Nicky turned to
Shane, “Take him care for me, Shane.”
Shane just
nodded slightly
“And thank you very much, Shane. For
everything.”
Again, Shane
just nodded. He didn’t know what to say, especially in front of Kian.
Nicky looked his
brother once again, and kissed him on forehead before he left. And Kian watched
his brother through out that door.
As Nicky left,
Shane took Kian’s hand and together they looked the view from the window. Kian
just smiled.
But it didn’t
long. Kian still didn’t believe with Nicky. And he decided to see himself, to
see Nicky was still here, even Shane was insisted him.
And he was glad
to see Nicky was with Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan on deck. He was still here.
“See, I told you, Nicky didn’t going
anywhere,” Shane was as glad as Kian, in different reason.
Shyly Kian
smiled and let Shane guided him back to the room. Nicky was still here. That
the most important for him
The whistle
heard again for the last call. And Kian was more excited, as he felt the ship
was moving, he was going to leave!! He ran outside to see the view with Nicky.
But what shocking him, Nicky was not with Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan. Otherwise,
they were on deck, waving their hands. Kian went pale. He even paler when he
saw Nicky was down there. ‘Nicky isn’t
coming with us!!’
Franticly, he ran
to find the stairs.
“Kian, where are you going?” Mr. Sullivan
chassed him.
Peter Sullivan
held Kian tide. Kian was going to jump up!
“Kian, you can’t go down there. The ship
are moving now, we can’t reach the port..
But Kian went
hysterical, he was crying. For the first
time he cried.
“Kian, honey, Nicky didn’t leave you. He
want us to take care of you, he want you to come with us,” Mae tried to
explained him. “Nicky loves you, honey. He wouldn’t leave you just like that.
You will come back here.”
But Kian
wouldn’t listen, he still crying and fighting.
Till the officer
opened the door to show that ship had gone far from the port.
Kian shocked
with the water and the gap between the ship and the port. It hadn’t that far,
but he couldn’t to jump up and swim. He
couldn’t swim!!!
He could see
Nicky was on the port, shaking his head like he wanted say “Don’t jump!”
“TAKE A GOOD CARE, KIAN!!!” Nicky shouted
at him. “I’LL WAIT HERE WHEN YOU COME BACK!!!
DON’T WORRY, I’M GONNA BE FINE!! YOU GONNA BE FINE, KI!!! I LOVE YOUUUU!!!
And Kian just
could cry.
“I LOVE YOUUUUU, KIAAANNN!!! DON’T FORGET
MEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Kian nodded in
cry
“No, Nicky, please don’t leave me… Nicky…Nicky”
I watched him
dreaming again. Dreaming about Nicky. Still!!
“Shs… Kian, wake up,” gently I woke him up,
before he went hysterical.
“Nicky…NICKY!!!” he shouted as he wake up.
Sweat over his head and he breathe heavily. He was always like that.
“Shss, it’s alright, Ki, I’m here…” I’m
soothed him, and he went cry.
“He left me, Mark… he was leaving me!!”
“No he didn’t.”
“Yes he did! And I’m not going to see him
again. I’m loosing him,”
“No you’re not, Ki. You know that,” I opened
up my arms for a hug and he fell on my shoulder. I hugged him gently rubbed his
back.
“I missed him, Mark. I missed him so much!”
he sounded like 10 years boy.
“I know that Kian, and you’ll gonna see him
again. I promise that, Kian,”
“You promise?” he sounded not sure.
“Yes, Kian, I promise,” I ensured him.
“Would you accompany me?”
“If you asked me,” I smiled
He smiled and
sighed. His cry has stopped.
“Thank you, Mark.”
I just nodded.
“Now go back to sleep, I’ll be here,” I
guided him back to sleep. And he tried to get back to sleep.
I watched him in
heart breaking, ‘God, Kian, don’t you
know, how hurt this heart to see you this suffer, missing your brother. But it
doesn’t worst than to see you can you love me like you love Nicky?’ Can I be
your Nicky?
TBC
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