Rating : T
Pairing : Still Marki
Summary
: When a boy not as lucky as the other, he's trying to regain his
happiness, of course with his beloved family and friend helps.
Warning : Slash but not adult , Emotionaly wrecked
Previous Part : Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Part7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Chapter 15, Part 16 , Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20
Part
21 – Face the Fear
I woke up in the morning and saw the
sight. Kian was sleeping on Nicky’s lap. Nicky was still sleeping too, and he
looked so comfortable with Kian on his arms. It was sure they were so comfort
hugging each other. My heart fell with the sight, and I had to take a deep
breath to control my feeling.
Just
right in time, Nicky was opening his eyes. We were right eyes to eyes. I felt
bit uncomfort, as well as him to me find him hugging Kian.
“Ng… I’m sorry; I hope you don’t mind…”
“Of course,” I could only say that, well,
what I could I say?
“Don’t have to worry; I won’t take him from
you, Mark. He’s all yours,” he smiled, made me blushed; he knew what I was
thinking!
Then
he turned to see his brother. Kian was so angelic with his sleeping face. Nicky
had to smile. He kissed Kian’s forehead, not attend to wake him up. But he
woke.
“M…Mark…” his little eyes slightly opened.
My
heart pounded as heard my name on he’s first calling from sleep.
“No, Kian, it’s me… Nicky,” he sounded
jealous.
Kian
opened his full eyes, and see Nicky right before his face.
“Oh,
I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” Kian went blushed.
Nicky
just smiled, “It’s alright, Kian.”
Kian
saw me and he realized where he was, still on Nicky’s lap! He rose up immediately
as he saw Gina was there too.
“I’m sorry, Gina,” Kian even red.
But
she just smiled, “It’s alright, Kian, he is yours too.”
Kian
looked at me to see my reaction, and I had to nod; say it was alright, and Kian
smiled gladly.
“Are you going to work?” Kian asked Nicky on
breakfast
Nicky
went silent a while, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing,” he hesitate to continue.
“What’s wrong, Kian?”
Kian
just shook his head
“No, I’m not going to work,” Nicky decided.
Even
it confused him, Nicky’s answered made Kian glad.
“I
won’t going anywhere, Kian, just in case you will leave again,” Nicky teased
him.
Kian
blushed, “No, I won’t leave that fast, Nicky. We just met.”
Nicky
had to giggled, “Yes, of course. But still I don’t want go anywhere. I just
want to spend my day with you.”
Kian
let out his big grinned.
So
we were staying at home, let the brothers spend they love together. They still
missed eachother. And Kian played with his beloved nephew. All I could see was
the happiest face on Kian. He looked more relax than yesterday. Yes, of course,
Nicky was with him. No one could make Kian happy but Nicky. He was the one who
could make Kian smile and happy. I think Kian knew who the one he always love.
Nicky. And all I could do just holding my feelings, hold all the jealousy. ‘Please, God, help me, give me strength!
Please, let Kian loves me too, and I could still be his Nicky.’
At
noon, Kian suddenly asked to go out
“Can we go to the port?” he asked slightly.
“Sure.
What are you gonna see Kian?” Nicky smiled.
“Nothing. I just want to see where I used to
work.”
Nicky
had to smiled, “Kian, you were only worked one day”
“Yeah, one day, my free day. I could never
be so free than that day. I wouldn’t forget that day, Nicky.”
Nicky
bit his lips. ‘Of course, he could still
remember that day. How Kian was smiling so happily. No beatings, and have his
own money. He even bought the book he loved. Yeah, that was the happiest day
for him, during the hellish day with ‘him’,
“And I want to meet Mr. Doyle. He had very
kind to me then,” Kian smiled with enthusiasm.
But
this made Nicky went silent. ‘Yes, Kian
hasn’t known yet.’
Nicky
took his deep breath, “Kian… Mr Doyle had passed away two years ago.”
This
made Kian pale silent.
“I’m sorry, Kian,” Nicky took his hand
gently.
“I haven’t say thank you to him.”
“No need to, Ki, he has already known,”
Nicky gave a warm smiled.
Kian
was still in silent.
“Can we go to his grave?”
“Sure, Kian, I’ll take you there.”
Kian
finnaly smile slightly.
No
need to asked, I was coming with him. We went to the cemetery, to visit Mr.
Doyle.
As
we arrived Kian was standing beside Mr. Doyle’s grave. He talked something to
him. I just smiled watching him so respectful to the people who used to love
him. I knew now, Kian was the person who will never forget to the people who
loved him. He had showed it to Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Mrs. Tuck, and now Mr.
Doyle. ‘How lovely person you are, Ki. I
love you even more.’
I
looked around, and suddenly my eyes cought to the strange feeling of one grave
right beside me. Something told me, that this one was from Kian’s past. I read
the name, and it shocked me, ‘Jack Fiennes’. Could this be ‘him’, the bastard
who made Kian’s life like hell? I hope he wasn’t. I tried to ignoring it. But
before I turned away, Kian caught me up. He looked to Nicky who had already
silent.
Without
a word, Kian went to ‘him’, and found where ‘he’s laying. And he froze. Jack
Fiennes was laying right beside Patricia Fiennes, his mother. Mother he never
visited as ‘he’ never let him out!
I
rushed to him and held his hand gently. I knew, Kian was not ready for this. He
was not ready to meet ‘him’, even only his grave.
“’He’s here Mark,”
“Yes, Ki. But we can go, if you feel not
ready yet.”
Nicky
looked worried too. But, Kian didn’t move from where he stood. And he was cry
slightly.
“Kian..”
“No, Mark, I’m alright. It’s just little bit shocked,” he took his
breath for controlling his feeling.
Nicky
even couldn’t say anything. He didn’t mean to take Kian to ‘him’, he was quite sure;
Kian was not ready yet to meet him.
“I’m sorry, Kian, I shouldn’t take you
here.”
“No. I’m fine Nicky. It just little bit
strange to meet ‘him’ again, even only ‘his’ name, and mam.”
“I know.”
“It’s so strange, Nicky. I missed ‘him’,
but I’m scared to meet him again. And yet, there’s a big relieved I don’t have
to meet ‘him’ again. And I’m not sure ‘he was willing to meet me again.”
“Yes, he was, Kian… Do you know what he
always said before he gone?”
Kian
shooked his head slightly
“He said; ‘I want to see my little man
home’. He really wanted to see you, and wanted to give you a kiss. He wished
one kiss would ease all mistakes he’s done to you.”
Kian
went silent.
“Did ‘he’ ever say that he loves me?”
“Well, maybe ‘he’s never telling it, but I
knew he loves you, Ki, even he didn’t know how to show it.”
“Yes, I could understand that. And I feel I
love him too,” as he turned to me and smiled. I smiled too.
Kian
took a deep breath, and then looked at me.
“Can we go now?” he asked sightly
I
nodded; “Sure,” I knew Kian was still not ready to meet him. Maybe later. I looked
to Nicky and he nodded too.
“Yeah, sure.” Nicky sighed, “Would you like
too meet Mrs. Doyle?” he tried to change the subject.
He
smiled, “Yes, of course.”
Nicky
just nodded and led the way. As we walked, Kian held my hand tightly. I felt
his nervous and I just could hold him warmly to give a comfort.
So we met Mrs. Doyle. She was a fine
lady. Very kind and very clear how much she loved Nicky. She was surprised with
Kian’s coming. She knew Nicky had waited for him for a long time, and she could
feel how happy Nicky’s now, and no doubt, she was delighted too. She just
wished his husband were there with them to see Kian’s now. The poor little boy had
taken a lot his attention. But maybe he watched him too with happy smile.
We
spent time there till evening, and as we came back, Gina was preparing our
dinner.
We ate together like a happy family.
And I thought we were gonna have a chat after diner, but I saw Kian looked
tired. Well, today had taken a lot his energy, physically and mentally. Yes, he’s
tired with those.
“Wanna go bed early?” I asked him carefully
But
he bit his lips, and took a sigh to the attic. So clear the fearness and the
trauma came back through his eyes. I realized he hadn’t gone upstairs since his
arriving.
“You don’t have to sleep there, Kian,” I
said slightly, and looked to Nicky.
“Yea, Ki, you could sleep here, on the couch,
like we were last night,” Nicky tried to cheer the air.
Kian
gulped, then smiled, “No, thank you. Upstairs fine to me,” he sounded like
battling with something.
Well,
I was not sure, Ki. “Kian…”
But
Kian took my hand, “Lead me there, Mark.”
I
just sighed and nodded.
“Excuse us,” Kian said politely.
Nicky
and Gina just nodded.
I
led him upstairs. He took a very slowy step and very nervous. He didn’t let off
my hand, and even tighter, as we were arrived.
And
yes he had to hold his breath and fought his feeling. He was battling with the
air of agony which was still strong.
“I’m here,” I was ready for his collapsed.
But
he hanged there.
He
approached it and sat on it.
“I laid here, Mark, everynight with
painfully,” his voice was so small.
“I know Ki,” kept held him.
“Curled ball, tried to ease the pain. Tried
to sleep, tried not to cry.”
“I know, Ki,” held my breath. I didn’t want
to hear this.
But
he kept continue, “It was so hard then, Mark. But I had too, or another
beating. And I did it. And Nicky would wrapped me, took me to the safetiest
place,” he smiled bitterly.
“Yes, I know,” I held him tight. “You don’t
have to sleep here, Ki,” I insisted. I didn’t want to get him much hurt.
“It’s okay, Mark. I’ll be fine. You’ll be
here right?”
“Of
course.”
“Then I would be fine,” he then tried to
laid his body on the bed, and I had had to held his breath. He took a very deep
breath, controlling his feelings.
“Lay with me, Mark. Hold me, so I won’t get
any bad dreams.”
I
nodded and laid my body beside him. Pulled him in my arms and hugged him, took
him too the safetiest place,
“I’m here, Ki, you won’t get any bad dream,”
I pulled him even tighter, and he pushed himself to me. I smiled in relieved. I
still had him. It was so good to have him like this. I kissed his forehead,
then tried to sleep myself, hoping Kian would still have a room for me. That
was all I need.
TBC
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